“I’ve decided I don’t always have to be writing. I let myself live and try to let go of the pressure to always physically write. In some ways it feels like I’m collecting feeling. That’s not to say I don’t sit down and try regularly to get something on the page, but it might not look like a poem. It might look like writing in a journal about what I’ve seen and heard that day. That process helps me feel more willing to listen to what’s possible rather than predetermine what I think I should be on the page.”
I’m feeling something right now. Something i wish i didn’t feel, that’s just eating at me. It’s this emptiness and loneliness that has no reason to be there. It’s just is. I want to meet someone. Then again i don’t. I don’t want to be hurt but i want to put myself out there and risk it all. I want to fall in love but also what’s the point? It’s not the endless posts of my friends getting married, I’m incredibly happy for them. They deserve to be with someone who loves them because my friends are the best. Everyone deserves to find someone. I feel like it’s not in the cards for me, at times. Other times i feel like it’s going to happen, eventually. I’ve only felt it once and that was just a feeling on my side that eventually lead to me being slightly shattered to the point where i can’t watch any love movies because they feel fake, but again. It was just the emotion, and not the real thing. The connection was friendship, not love. I suppose life will take its course, and i will focus on my work, which i really am doing instead of investing the time into finding the one. Maybe serendipity will take over, or maybe it’s in motion. Who knows? I just hate this feeling. I’m going to be done with it.
